someone on r/legaladvice was sick of their coworker stealing their food out of the fridge so they started labeling it “POISON - DO NOT EAT” in sharpie on both the bag and the food’s wrapper every day and the person still kept stealing it so after a week they added a bunch of laxatives to their food and the thief had to go to the hospital and could possibly sue OP. the general consensus was that OP was technically objectively in the wrong from a legal standpoint but there is 0% chance of them being convicted in criminal court because that would require finding 12 jurors who would rule in favor of someone stealing food labeled “POISON - DO NOT EAT” and then getting poisoned
“Not guilty by reason of fuck that guy.”
“Case dismissed on grounds of fuck around and find out.”
the fact the new series of hypothetical isn’t allowed to talk about the pandemic just in case people forget it happened is genuinely the funniest thing i’ve ever heard
My favorite form of redemption arc is “I hate that I have morals now”
Like “I realized that I was in the wrong and now I will work hard to atone” is good and all, but “how dare you infect me with morals” will always be so much more entertaining
That moment the former baddie starts to walk away from some bad situation, almost gets out, and then just stops, curses, and turns around to go help?
*chef’s kiss* delicious
This one gets it
And like when they say “I’m only helping you because of [selfish reason that’s not truly the reason]”
“I assure you, my motives are completely selfish” they yell at the group as they fling themself between a giant fuck off monster and an unconscious guy they don’t even like
“Only I get to kill you! That’s it! That’s the only reason! I’m healing you and tending to your wounds because I HATE YOU!”
